I know it's been a really long time since I've last written anything (more than a year in fact) and I apologise if you have missed my writing. Somehow I just haven't really felt the motivation or urge to write. Writer's block maybe? I don't really know. It's not that I haven't really reflected or wrote down anything, it's just that I didn't feel like publishing articles on things which I don't really find interesting. Of course my other excuse is that life just got busy since I'm in university. But face it, I could probably have written an article a month if I just wasn't spending so much time on Instagram.
Whatever. Doesn't really matter now anyway.
It just feels nice to be writing this at 10.38pm on a random Wed evening while it's storming outside in London. There really is something about writing at night - it somehow keeps my brain active and in a reflective state of mind whereas studying at night is just sleep-inducing. I actually feel so energised since I started typing. Kind of scary actually. Just 10 minutes ago I felt like sleeping while reading a journal article on 'DAFOR scale' (go ahead and search it up and tell me if you fall asleep reading it).
Anyway back to the main point. This piece feels so reflective. I guess I'm imagining having a conversation with someone? Fun fact: the human brain is at its peak performance only when we are in conversation (or when we imagine that we are). It took me a really long while to write some of the more technical articles (e.g. the one on individualism vs communitarianism) whereas this feels so fluid. That's likely also due to the nature of it. Introspective pieces like this feels more natural and I'm caring less about this being 'perfect' compared to the technical pieces which require fact-checking. I'm not sure how much my writing style has really changed over the years, but my active vocabulary certainly seems to have diminished. Sadly.
One of my friends has been urging me to get back into writing, or sharing my travelling experiences around Europe. That's probably for another article another day (if I can get beyond the procrastination!). But writing really is a great form of expression for me. I have been sub-consciously numbing myself to things happening around the world, and as a result I just feel less expressive as a person. Let me know if I am, and I'll try to take more notice of it. It could also be simply because I'm just entering adulthood? I don't really want to be a 'quintessential man' and just hide my emotions though. That thought is kind of scary.
This 'imagine myself having a conversation' thing actually works really well for me. I certainly feel much energised and reflective. There's so many thoughts which I haven't really penned down in such a long while. I mean, I still do my diary occasionally but that takes me to a even more serious state of mind and it's often quite dark/sad (trust me on this). This is borderline carthartic (took me an entire minute to remember this word!). I've actually really missed this.
It's not that my life has gone to complete shit; I've got a pretty good routine established. I like to read in the mornings (been reading a lot of fiction lately!) and then get some work done, cook lunch and go to uni for my lectures. Nights are usually for chats with my flatmate which are actually really engaging (politics, languages, cooking etc). It's probably time to get writing back into my routine too :)
On my notes 'if have time - write a little!' has been on there for a month maybe. Imagine the amount of procrastination I've been doing. Oops. But now that I've crossed the initial hurdle, you can definitely expect me to write more! I'll set a more realistic goal: just one more article for the rest of this year (since it's only a month and a half left). Quite possibly I'll write more. But if I don't at least I won't be terribly disappointed. And I'm definitely leaning towards these kinds of 'diary-like' pieces over my long, well-thought out argumentative pieces that I used to write. So I'm sorry to disappoint any of you guys who like those pieces. But I'm sure I will still find some time and topics I'm interested in to write about those!
And just life updates: I'm learning french and spanish so my eventual target is to write a piece in those languages too! Probably will be a year later or something but just putting it out there. And I want to write more in mandarin too so hopefully that'll happen. Just been very busy with schoolwork and societies but doing really well mentally and socially. Hope everyone out there is doing well too :) Remember to take a break and go for a walk when you feel tired! It's miraculous what walks can do for you. Enjoy the present!
Hope to see you guys soon and I'm excited to be back into writing!
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