I've never really thought that I would be having to use the disabled toilet or be pushed around in a wheelchair. It was a really strange experience; at least I'm much better now. Anyway, so I tore my ACL during a judo trial class. A really dumb reason to be honest. Especially since it's my first time doing judo. But that's for another day. This post is just some random thoughts about my 2 months being an injured person...
Let's first make some things clear: I still don't know my full diagnosis. The doctor's appointment is next week (really slow, I know). I've done my MRI, and the physiotherapist has looked at the results, and said I apparently still have a few (puny) strands of ligament left in where's supposed to be thousands of ACL fibre. Not sure if that's really good news. But the silver lining is that I didn't actually tear my meniscus. So there's a possibility that I wouldn't need surgery. We'll see.
Waiting.
One of the first things I started getting used to was waiting. I just had to be patient, no matter what I was doing. I couldn't walk fast, even at home. Taking small steps was the way to go. Climbing the stairs was difficult, but going down the stairs was worst. The pain was sharp and pretty excruciating at times. I guess that pain, and the lack of professional advice, made me apprehensive to do more exercise, or even extensive stretches. I did the occasional squats and lunges from a month after the injury, but even then I tried not to push through the pain too much. Going to the physio really helped; after some miraculous muscle massage and simple exercises, I felt much much much better. That was pretty incredible to me. I always knew physio was helpful, but the difference before and after the session was really night and day. But just when I think I can push myself a little further and try something silly or accidental, the pain jolts me back. Just earlier today, having sat staring at my phone for perhaps a little too long, I overzealously stood up, stretching both legs a tad too much. 'Ouch!' a sharp pain rose from the back of my left knee. Ow. Silly, I know.
Perspective.
This is a slightly loaded word in this case. But perhaps the first perspective I gained was the pain that the elderly often face. I sort of understand the pain that my ah gong and ah ma (grandpa and grandma) always complains about. And also my (same age) friend who has arthritis (very unfortunate). It's a nagging pain that keeps biting you and you're afraid to take bigger steps to exercise the muscles around the area. Even though exercise (low intensity, slow motion) is almost always a great solution to reduce the pain in the area, and is the best long-term solution.
The second perspective is something more personal: I'm lucky to have a job that allows me to work from home. I always thought I would hate working from home because of the lack of social interaction, yet I've really enjoyed the personal time. I can go to the park, take a break and even a short afternoon nap if I feel like it. Productivity is generally lower at home though, because of the large number of distractions and things to do. I won't be looking forward to when I return back to the office (the positive side is that I still have 2 days of work from home).
The view out of my study room. What's your perspective on this?
The last perspective, and perhaps most importantly, is to enjoy the little moments in life. I've been taking a walk in the neighbourhood park every morning (weather permitting), and I've truly enjoyed the morning walks. The way the sunlight hits the leaves, the sing-song calls of black-naped orioles, the mating calls of the (infamous) koel - aka the uwu bird - the argument/mating calls of the pair of the collared kingfishers. These are simple beautiful moments that are never the same. Routine creates a sense of familiarity: the taichi auntie, the domestic helpers walking the dogs, and a couple pushing their baby around. Yet, life always moves on. The baby could not walk when I first started going to the park, but she's taken her first steps!
A really beautiful leaf mid-decomposition/drying. I think it belongs to a Ficus benjamina (weeping fig).
Has this injury changed my perspective on life? I wouldn't say so. But it's easy to get caught up in the environment we are in - the rapid, unrelenting pace of life in Singapore is a particularly bad example of this - that we forget to stop, look back, and think. In this work-obsessed society, I find myself often forgetting that this is but a very small part of my life. And that there is so much more of the world out there. The option to leave the job, the country, is always there (not that soon, don't worry). Which is something that more than half (probably more like 75%) the world is unable to do comfortably. So we should be glad to even have this choice.
I was also immensely grateful to my friends dabao-ing food and coming to visit this cripple. That was much needed to stave off my boredom, especially in the first week when I could barely even walk out to the park (just 100m away). There's unbridled joy in talking with good friends over many many many (small) cups of tea. Reminiscing old times, I guess...
For pretty much 7 weeks, I was walking everywhere with a crutch. I've gotten a fair amount of stares, even in the neighbourhood park on my daily walks. But I don't really care about
those; at least no one has commented anything nasty. In fact, I think
that many people are actually more helpful when they see that I am
injured. It's definitely a strange experience. The coffee stall auntie actually brought out my toast and kopi for me, which I was (honestly more ashamed) touched by.
I really don't know how I'm going to end this piece. So, well, think I'll just end it here. It's been 2 months and 2 days since my injury on 6 Jan. And I'm going to see the doctor to discuss my MRI results on Monday. I'll probably still need surgery, but let's see. No idea when it's gonna happen, and when I'll get to travel again. Maybe the first thing I want to do post-recovery is to go and see some mountains. I think I need some terra, rather than cement mountains. Until next time, ciao.
Two really beautiful flowering trees after the long rains in January. Xanthostemon chrysanthus (taller) and Tecoma stans, aka yellow bells (shorter).
***
Music of choice: Dreams (1977) Fleetwood Mac
I wrote this over a few days so there's a second album here: Typical of Me (2021), Laufey
And a third playlist, cos I procrastinated too much: High Hopes (2013) Kodaline Youtube Mix
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