This was what my good friend Juan told me recently. 'What a beautiful sentence' was my immediate thought. Since then, I haven't stopped thinking about it. Is this really true? Are there any exceptions? What qualifies as reminders of mortality? How do different individuals experience it? What even is the human spirit, if there is such a thing?
The 21st century urbanophile too often interprets spirtuality as religion. They are fundamentally different, although they can intersect. Religion prescribes rules and laws, and are usually dogmatic (albeit with varying degrees). Spirituality is about seeking out what it means to be human again (there are many different arguments, but this is what I see it as). And a spiritual individual is able to internalise their feelings. We can't necessarily control how our feelings arise, but we can try be in touch with them and choose how we react to these feelings.
Just earlier this morning, I went for a walk in Macritchie. It was still very dark at 645am when I started walking, and confronting myself with the darkness was very much a reminder of mortality, at least to me. The walk was really fine, and it was strange how the moment I left the boardwalk, and started walking on actual ground (the earth), my heart started beating faster and my breaths became shorter. I was instinctively getting more afraid. Is this a primal fear of the dark that we humans have? Of course, there really is very little danger even in Singapore. The most likely animal to cause injury is probably a wild boar, but then its probably more likely we trip and fall first. Nevertheless, I couldn't quite shake that sense of fear off me. It was strange, especially as my fear subsided once the sky became marginally brighter around 7am. Were humans scared of the dark before they discovered fire and perpetual light, I wonder.
Somehow, I do actually feel more grounded, more whole, after starting this walk from the dark. Perhaps its because there wasn't anyone yapping away at 80 decibels, or blasting their radio. It felt like the world was in black and white, and gradually took on colour. It was beautiful. Perhaps in this city where noise (auditory, digital, smell) is overwhelming, being confronted with the fact that the world is much larger than myself made me content again. There is always so much more to explore, and any person, at the end, will return to ashes and the world.
There is a sort of urban plague which makes most people unable to internalise what it means to be human. To be scared. To cry. To laugh. To feel shame. To be able to feel. The human psyche, at its simplest, is this ability to feel. Is a life without feeling worth living?
There is actually a second part to the sentence Juan wrote. Maybe I'll write a part 2 at some point. But tell me what you feel and think after reading this, I would love to hear.
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Music of choice: Old 60s-70s Jazz Mix on spotify. Nina Simone is so good.
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